


What I need

by shinystar66



Category: SKAM (Spain)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Don't worry, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, but angst is coming, it's just fluff for now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-11 03:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18421854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinystar66/pseuds/shinystar66
Summary: "Do you really think I will still be here with you when we're all grown up?""Well, I would be quite offended if you weren't. You promised me some kind of forever, Ranita.".Cris and Joana have known each other for as long as they can remember. In fact, if she thinks about it, Cris can't even recall what life before meeting Joana was like. But what happens when feelings that could potentially ruin a lifetime frienship get in the way?





	1. Making clichés

**Ages 10 and 11**

Cris dropped the pencil she was holding in frustration. Drawing just wasn't for her.

"What is that?" She squinted at Joana's piece of paper.

"It's two girls holding hands." Joana answered, not looking up.

"Are they sisters?" 

"No. They're friends."

"Why are they holding hands?"

"Just because." Joana shrugged.

"But people don't have purple hair, dummy."

"They do if they dye it."

"Why would they do that?"

"Becuase it's cool?" Joana said, matter-of-factly.

"I want to dye my hair purple too. But mom says I am too little."

"So is that you?" Cris gestured at one of the stick figures.

"Yes."

"And the blonde one is me?"

"Yes."

"I don't even look like that! You're not a good artist." Cris scoffed, indignated.

"Why are you so mean?"

"I'm not. I'm stating facts."

Joana rolled her eyes but kept on drawing, adding more details to the character's features.

Cris broke the silence again minutes later.

"So you want to dye your hair purple when you grow up?"

"That's the plan."

"Do you really think I will still be here with you when we're all grown up?"

"Well." Joana finally dropped the pen she was holding. 

"I would be quite offended if you weren't. You promised me some kind of forever, Ranita."

"What? When did I ever?"

"On the day we met."

**4 and 5**

Cris met Joana on the day Joana moved next to their house. She was 4 and playing with her older brothers when a van pulled over next door.

"Why don't you go play with the neighbour's daughter? She's your age, I'm sure you two will get along well." Cris' mother asked her a few days later.

It took Cris a week to get the courage to approach the new neighbour. She wasn't shy, she's made plenty of friends at the kindergarten! But there was something special about this girl, who was currently lying on a blanket placed on the grass and painting a big bright sun. 

"Hi." She greeted the brown haired girl who eyed her suspiciously, while continuing to apply traces of yellow paint onto the paper.

"I'm Cris and I am going to be your new _bff_. Meaning _best friend forever._ "

"Forever you say?" The girl smiled, squinting her eyes at the summer sun that was blocking her view of the blonde girl towering over her.

"Yes. I heard that from my older brother. He has a bff, so I told him I am going to make one too."

"Okay." The girl laughed. "I'll be your bff."

"So what's your name?

"Joana."

And the rest was history.

 **13 and 14**

It was one of their typical nights. Movies. Pop corn. And Cris' army of plushies scattered on the bed  
  
Cris was was sitting with her back propped on a pillow and her knees drawn closely to her chest, while Jonas was lying on her stomach. 

It should have been a regular Friday night, except that something was different now. Joana had got closer and closer to Eloy lately, and Cris couldn't help herself. She had to know.

"Joana?" She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Hm?"Joana answered without turning to face her. 

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

"You know what? Forget it."

"No no, come on, I am just messing with you." 

Joana finally moved so she was sitting in front of Cris. 

"You know you can tell me anything, Ranita."

_God. That damn nickname again._

"Is it nice?

"Is what nice? You have to be more clear than that."

"You know...kissing. Does it feel good?"

"Ohh does Little Cris want to experiment?"

"You're literally one year older than me."

"One year and 4 months, close to a year and a half, so basically 2 years."

"Not at all. You're annoying. And you haven't even anwered my question."

"I don't know, it feels nice."

"Nice nice...I need more than that...Was it not gross, like with saliva and tongue and all?

"No?"Joana grimaced. "We only kissed a few times, and they were all just pecks. And we're not even together. It wasn't that big of a deal."

"But-"

"But, but, what is this all about? Why are you suddenly so interested in kissing anyway? Didn't you say that dating is stupid?"

"It's just that...I'm 13 and everybody has had their first kiss by now. I feel like nobody will ever want to kiss me..."

"That's stupid. Have you looked into a mirror? You're so pretty, Cris."

Cris was going to ignore the way her heart did a _thing._

"Shut up."

"You are."

"With you rosy cheeks, and your beautiful big blue eyes that seem even bigger through your  
 glasses-"

Joana raised her hand, probably to make a point, but Cris stopped her before she could reach her face and make everything even more awkward than it already was.

"Stop." Cris whispered. 

"Boys don't like these things. They don't like glasses or the fact that my face gets red red all the time-"

"Boys are stupid. Did somebody pick on you or something? I swear I will punch him. I-"

 _Hands. On her face. Now._ Joana managed to cup her face this time and Cris had no idea how to react to that.

"No, I just know."

"I could kiss you."

"What?"

"If you want to be kissed that bad. It's just a kiss, it doesn't have to mean anything. Plus, we've already done this when we were little."

"I told you I don't remember that. I was 5!"

"That doesn't erase the fact that it happened."

Cris rolled her eyes, sighing deeply. This was a bad idea. She just knew it. And yet she couldn't help herself. She nodded and closed her eyes.

Joana smirked before leaning in and closing the distance between them. 

Their lips touched. That much she knew. But the rest was so blurry, as if her brain had short circuited.

Cris didn't know how much it lasted, it could have been seconds, minutes or hours for all she knew, before Joana pulled back, grinning like an idiot. 

"Wh-why are you laughing-"

 _Was she that bad? Did her breath smell? Did she have something between her teeth? Oh god she was mortified._

"I'm sorry, it's just...your glasses got all blurry."

Oh. OH.  
   
If her cheeks were normally red, Cris was pretty sure her entire face was flushed now.

"I-"

"No no, it's my fault, I should have told you to take them off."

Ah of course Joana would put the blame on herself. Even when Cris was the one taking the cake with her dumbassary.

"Anyway. It wasn't that big of a deal, was it?"

 _Yes_ "No." 

It wasn't. And yet why did her heart feel like it was about to leap out of her chest?

Joana looked down when her phone pinged with a text.

"Shit. I forgot  that I made plans with Eloy. See you Ranita!"

Eloy. Of course. This had been a friendly kiss. A I-feel-sorry-that-you-are-a-kiss-virgin-so-I-am volunteering-to-fix-that-kind-of-kiss.

"See you." Cris whispered as the door closed behind the other girl.

It was her first kiss. Her very first kiss. 

Cris touched her lip, trying to see if she could recreate the sensation, if the nerve endings reacted to her finger the same way they did to Joana's kiss.

They didn't.

If Cris screamed in the pillow for the next half an hour, well, then nobody needs to know.

 **5 and 6**

"We're going home. Go say bye to Joana, sweetie." Cris' mom said, letting go of her hand and gesturing for her daughter to greet the other girl. 

It was hot. Far too hot and Cris was tired after an entire afternoon of running in the park. So she rushed to kiss her friend on the cheek, but Joana was taken aback as she was too busy playing in the sand, so she jerked her head, causing their lips to touch. 

They both pulled back immediately, Joana giggling and Cris exclaiming a big ew. 

Their mothers just looked at each other laughing. 

"Why did you kiss me?" The brown haired girl asked, still grinning. 

"I didn't mean to!" Cris almost shouted. 

"Mommy, did you see that? Crissy kissed me!" 

"I saw, darling." Amelia smirked from the bench she was sitting on. 

"I didn't." Cris insisted before leaving the playground with her mom slowly following behind her.

**16 and 17**

"I don't get it." Joana said.

"You don't get what?" Cris asked, brushing her hair and fixing her make up in the mirror.

"Why you are going on a date with this Rubén guy. You don't even like him."

"How do you know that?" Cris put a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Well, do you?" Joana threw herself on the bed, causing a pillow to fall onto the floor.

"He's old. And hot. And nice. And old. So."

Joana cringed at that and Cris noticed it through the mirror.

"I just have a bad feeling about him."

"You say that about all the boys I go out with."

"Well, none of them deserve you. You're too pretty."

_Stop stop stop stop_

Cris remained silent.

"You don't even want to date." Joana pressed.

"Maybe I do." Cris grabbed her bag and got to the door.

"I just don't want you to get hurt." 

_God do you have any idea what you do to me?_

"Plus, if you get a boyfriend, you won't hang out with me as much anymore."

"Is that what this is about? I will always make time for you. You're my best friend." 

Cris smiled, but Joana's face dropped at that.

"Also, you've had a boyfriend for years, and that has never inconvenienced us, has it?"

"I told you, things are not going so well between Eloy and me right now."

"Your point is??" Cris raised her eyebrows and Joana opened her mouth to say something, but then Cris' phone ringed.

"I really have to go. Sorry."

. 

Cris was 16 and undeniably in love with her best friend. The problem? Joana would never love her back.

_What a cliché._


	2. We can take care of each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not so happy with this chapter, but I hope you will still enjoy it <3 Things get less fluffy, there's a lot of rain and some drama. And I suck at summaries. Enjoy!

**16 and 17**

"And that is how we ended up spending the night in front of an abandoned building."

Rubén rambled, but promptly paused when he noticed Cris playing with her food and not paying attention.

"And then aliens came and abducted Carlos. Can you believe?

"Really?" Cris mumbled, not lifting her gaze from the plate in front of her.

"Cris?"

**"Cris."**

"Sorry, what were you saying?" She shook her head, trying to focus.

"You didn't want to come here, did you?"

"What-what do you mean?" Cris gulped, guilt written all over her face.

"It's pretty clear that you don't want to be on a date with me, considering you haven't listened to a word I said since we sat at this table. So, why are you here? Make me understand, because I don't get it."

"I-" 

There was no denying it, he saw right through her, but she couldn't afford that, not now.

"I-m sorry, I'm just going through some stuff now, that is why I spaced out."

_A half life can't be that bad, right?_

Rubén raised his eyebrows skeptically.

"I hope nothing too bad?"

"Just stress with my family."

"Is Dani being a pain in the ass? I can get him to shut up if you want me to."

_Jesus what does that even mean_

"No no not Dani, my parents, my mom especially, you know how it is. Which reminds me, I promised I'd help her with the groceries. I'm sorry, I have to go before she gets mad again."

"Don't lie to me, Cris. I can tell that you are lying." 

Rubén had slightly raised his voice, and that was her cue to leave.

_Joana was right. As always._

"I'm not. I'm sorry, I really have to go."

She grabbed her bag and threw some money onto the table, before rushing to get out of the restaurant.

.

Cris was wandering the empty steeets, hood pulled up and headphones plugged in, the volume turned all the way up. She couldn't go back home, not when **she** might still be there.

_That's what happens when your parents like your best friend more than they like you._ She thought, laughing bitterly. 

They enjoy Joana's company so much that Cris wouldn't be surprised if she found them all gathered around the kitchen table. It wouldn't be the first time that happened, anyway.

She couldn't help but wonder when Joana's presence turned into something she dreaded instead of the thing she looked forward to the most. When she stopped being the only steady part of Cris' life, and became the main cause of her turmoil instead.

She felt something drop on the tip of her nose and looked up. The sky had turned considerably darker since she left the restaurant. Rain. Great. Just what she needed.

What did she usually do when she wanted to hide from the world and sulk? 

_Go to Joana's_ a small voice at the back of her head answered. _Right._

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. 

**14 and 15**

"Joana?" She clutched the phone to her ear, trying to even her breathing. She hated the way her voice shook, and she hated how pathetic she felt, having to call her best friend every time something went wrong. But she needed her tonight.

"Hey loser, what's up?" 

"Can I come over?" 

"Sure. Are you okay?" Joana asked, visibly sensing that something was wrong.

"And can I sleep at yours tonight?" Cris asked, trying to dodge the other's girl question.

"Of course. You know my window's always open. Just get your stuff, knock and I'll help you get in."

"Thank you." Cris exhaled loudly.

"No problem, Ranita."

.

"So your parents fought again?" Joana asked, her hand playing with a strand of Cris' hair. They were lying on the bed, face to face, almost wrapped up in each other.

"Yeah. It started when they caught Dani smoking weed, and it all escalated from there. And now they've been screaming at each other for at least 3 hours."

"They've had worse arguments, right?"

"Never this bad, no."

"Well, couples fight sometimes, it happens. I bet they'll make up soon, and tomorrow they won't even remember what the argument was about."

"You think so?"

"I'm sure of it." Joana smiled as she moved an arm to spoon Cris, who had turned her back at her minutes ago.

"God you are so lucky." Cris murmured, burying her head deeper into the pillow, while also trying to absorb as much warmth from Joana's embrace as possible.

"What do you mean?"

"It's so chill here. You don't have to worry about annoying brothers or parents fighting, it's just you and your mom. I wish I were in your shoes."

"You don't know what you are talking about." Joana answered, jerking her arm away. The lack of contact was enough to make Cris feel cold again.

"Wha-"

"I wish I had your family. I'm not the lucky one, you are! My parents got divorced when I was 4, why do you think we moved here? My dad is an asshole who cheated on mom. I haven't talked to him ever since. He never cared about us and now he is dating a girl who could be my older sister! My mom works all day trying to support me, I barely see her and she is the only family I have. God Cris, the silence around here is killing me sometimes. Why do you think I'm at your place all the time?" 

"I'm so sorry Joana. I didn't realise."

"It's fine." 

"It's not. I hurt you, so it's not." Cris turned around to face her friend again.

"And you have somebody who cares a whole lot about you. You have me."

"I know." Joana whispered. "If I didn't have you, I'd be completely alone."

 _What about Eloy?_ Cris' petty side wanted to ask, but not now, not when Joana needed her. 

"You're not. And you'll always welcome in my noisy house. But just a suggestion, we could switch places sometimes, at least during the weekends. You could go there and fight over who gets the remote, while I come here and let your mom paint my nails, like she did a week ago."

Joana pulled back, a look of indignation on her face.

"You and my mom do stuff without me??"

"Um yeah, while you were out playing basketball. I was bored and came over, but you weren't here, so me and Amelia bonded over embarrassing stories involving you."

"How did I not know that?! Please don't tell me she showed you baby pictures!" 

"She did! I saw your nudes, Joana! Baby titties and all!"

"Shut up! I hate both of you."Joana laughed, grabbing a pillow and hitting Cris with it.

"Ouch. What was that for?"

"You deserved it!"

"This calls for war!" Shouted Cris, looking for a bigger pillow.

.  
"You came here for comfort, and you ended up comforting me." Said Joana later, while they were covered in feathers and it was pouring outside.

When did the rain even start?

"Well, I don't mind that. Didn't you say that we can take care of each other?"

"Huh? When?"

"And you say I have a bad memory." Cris rolled her eyes. "When you got your first period and I was afraid of the thunderstorm, silly."

**11 and 12**

"I feel like shit, Crissy."

"Language!" Shouted Cris.

"Who are you? My mom? Anyway, I'm bleeding from my vag-"

"Lang-"

"Oh, shut up! Vagina is not vulgar word. Just let me rant to you, because my insides feel like they want to be outside, and it's like somebody is stabbing both my stomach and my head. I want to die."

"Don't joke about that."

"When did you become so serious?" Joana groaned dramatically, throwing herself onto the bed.

"If you stopped talking for a minute, you'd see what an amazing friend I am, because I brought you chocolate." Cris sat next to her, pulling two bars from her jacket. 

"And this bottle filled with warm water, my mom says that if you place it on your tummy, it helps ease the pain"

"Thank you. Just pray that you'll never ever get your period."

"I would be unhealthy if that happened, wouldn't I?"

"Or pregnant."

Cris pulled a face and Joana bursted into a fit of laughter, but then the sound of a thunder scared them, causing the younger girl to fell off the bed.

"Shit Cris. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine." Cris gulped, looking at the window and feeling her pulse and her breathing quicken.

"Are you scared?"

"No." She muttered, even though the second thunder caused her to start shaking like a leaf.

"You are. Come here!" Joana exclaimed, and Cris didn't hesitate to let herself be wrapped up in her best friend's embrace.

"It's going okay. You're here with me." Joana spoke in a low voice, rocking them both from side to side.

"I'm sorry I'm like this...a pathetic cry baby." said Cris, trying really hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"You're not. You're one of the bravest people I know. And it's okay to be scared sometimes. I'll take care of you like you just did with me. We can take care of each other." Joana pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and Cris closed her eyes.

 **16 and 17**

When she opened them again, the rain had stopped, but she was drenched from head to toe. 

_No more running for tonight I guess_

She slowly and painfully made her way back home, hoping not to get hypothermia. Each step was getting heavier than the previous one, and she wanted nothing more than to lie down and take a 10 hour nap.

She was so close to her house, she could almost see the ugly fence that needed repainting and the purple colour of the-

"Joana. Why are you still here?" She cringed at her own question, already knowing the answer.

"Why are you back so early? And why did you stand outside in the rain?" Joana ignored her, eyeing her up and down, and Cris couldn't help the shiver that went down her spine.

"Jesus. You are shaking. You are going to catch a cold." The purple haired girl shook her head, then proceeded to take off her jean jacket and put it on Cris as if it wasn't a big deal.

Her signature jacket. The one she wears so often that it seems like it is the only jacket she owns. The one Cris likes to joke about. It screams Joana. And it smells like her too.

Is feels somehow wrong, wearing something so personal of Joana's.

"Cris, what did he do? Did he hurt you? Did he touch you? I am going to kill him."

_Stop. Stop. Stop before I think you care. And not in the best friend kind of way._

"He didn't. He was nice. It was a good date."

"Then why are you-?"

"Go home. Just go home."

The look on Joana's face was hard to read, but one thing was certain. She was hurt. And Cris hated herself a little bit for that.

"Okay."

And with that, she was gone. 

_I smell like you now._

**Summer of 2018**

_What do you mean you are leaving?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 1am, expect some drastical changes when I wake up and reread this lol.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think. Good or bad, I want to hear your opinions. <3


End file.
